oh mr. sun, sun!  mr. golden sun, please shine down on me!
oh mr. sun, sun!  mr. golden sun, hiding behind that tree
all these children are asking you
to please come out so we can play with you
oh mr. sun, sun!  mr. golden sun...
please shine down on~
please shine down on~
please shine down on me! 

:D

i cannot sleep.  it is currently 2:25am.  and in about 2.5 hours, i'm supposed to get up for morning prayer.  it's been awhile since i've been up this late, perhaps it was the coffee i drank at 4:30pm.  i knew that was a bad idea.  :(  we had small group tonight, which was really out of the ordinary since we usually meet on fridays, but it was long overdue and much needed!  i was telling jenn that lately, i feel...blessed.  like i'm on the verge of something big in my life.  it is equally exciting and nerve wrecking to imagine the possibilities that await me in these next few months. 

things i'm thankful for these days:
friends who listen to me, i mean REALLY listen to me  :)
music
sleep (even though i'm lacking this week)
quality time with quality people
my curling iron
and...
iced grande nonfat 1 raw sugar latte's

i hope this new york thing works out...i'd like to visit again and soon.  THE END.

random and rather unexpectedly, i didn't go to work today.  instead, i spent the morning, reading and then decided to clean...the entire house.  i left my room for last seeing as it needed the most work, and found myself surrounded with well junk.  lots of clutter, so as i began to throw things into the garbage, i came across my journals.  ahhh...my beloved black moleskin 'squared' journals...my avenue to stress relief and my emotional punching bag if you will...i began to flip thru the pages and was surprised at some of the things i wrote.  pretty darn good if i do say so myself.  :)  can you read it?  no!  haha.  these intimate thoughts and raw details show me how much God has been there through it all.  in the midst of the joys, sorrows.. i didn't understand.  but looking back, i am amazed at how much God wants the very best for me.  :)   i am so thankful that i wrote everything down!  i have been able to clearly see how much God has blessed me, how He has changed me, and how He has remained faithful; providing my every need not necessarily what i think i desired. 

here's one song i absolutely love it's called 'lead me to the cross' by brooke fraser.  i just love her voice...if you get a chance...listen to it.  but in the meantime...here are the lyrics:

Savior i come
quiet my soul
remember
redemption's hill
where Your blood was spilled,
for my ransom
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss

lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me
lead me to the cross

You were as i
tempted and trialed
human
Your word became flesh
bore my sin and death
now You're risen
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss

to Your heart
to Your heart
lead me to Your heart
lead me to Your heart

lets see...it's been a little over a month since i last wrote anything on here.  but today, i thought i'd share a mini breakthrough.  so if you're reading this...you probably know me.  and know that i don't like singing in front of people (especially if they can hear me)  for example if i ask you if you know a song, most people respond with "umm...maybe, sing it for me" i would then refuse to sing and speak the lyrics to the song.  hahaha.  but lately, probably over the past year, God has really been giving me a heart for worship, and i found myself always having songs of praise on my lips.  that's when i decided to no longer let fear get the best of me...nor did i want to limit how God uses me and blesses me.  and man...over these past few months i've been on the north york praise team...that's what been happening.  blessing upon blessing and then some.  up to this point...singing in front of people was okay.  i mean...there were at least 2-3 other vocalists so you couldn't really hear my voice...i was just adding to the background.  where am i going with this you ask?  well, andrew (our worship leader) asked me this past week to do special praise for today's worship service.  at first i'll be honest, i wanted to say no.  i was petrified to say the least.  but again...not wanting to disappoint or let another opportunity to give something back to God pass...i said ok.  nerves creep up, my chest feels like it's going to cave in, stomach in knots and pastor paul is almost done his sermon.  the time has come, and i did it.  shocked?  me too!  hahaha.  i sang "rest in You"  by hillsong.  it's a really pretty song, and i'm glad andrew suggested it.  although i made a slight error with one of the words and started laughing...well, more like a single giggle i closed my eyes and got it done.  whew.   

God is good!!  :)

i thought i'd write...even though i have no idea if people still come by.  this past trip to portland surprised me in so many ways.  i felt things that i didn't expect to feel, and i didn't feel the things i thought i was going to feel.  all in all, it was so good to reconnect and see faces i haven't seen in so long!  haha...  one thing i did come away with was that God is good, and trusting alone in Him for whatever my need is - is what i must keep doing to live a life life according to His plan. 

i missed the stars.  

here's what i used to do, so to hold tradition...enjoy:

my faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy is like a river with no end
it overwhelms me, covers my sin
each time i come into Your presence, i stand in wonder once again

Your grace still amazes me
Your love still a mystery
each day, i fall on my knees
'cause Your grace still amazes me

oh patient Savior, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
what can i give You, Lord what can i say
i know there's no way to repay You only to offer You my praise 

Your grace still amazes me by Phillips, Craig and Dean

PS...if you'd like to see pictures, they're on facebook.  i like the idea that you have to be my friend to see my pictures.  :)